Both And.
Both and.
When I experience a challenging emotion, I know that I simultaneously hold the exact opposite emotion. I know this can be hard to understand as true in the midst of emotional chaos. However, in my experience the simple thought of the opposite emotion loosens my mind’s grip on my current experience. The subtle shift in my perspective nudges my emotional state and energy levels to a lighter, more expansive place. It’s a way to zoom out and see the whole forest, not just one burning tree.
When we loosen our grip and ride the waves of emotion, flowing like water, we graciously give ourselves permission to feel fully, knowing that this is a passing experience and that the commonality within it all is our very presence and awareness. The watcher stays the same while the world (material) spins and puts on its performances. Who would we be if we had no past to compare things to? How would we react to a door slamming shut, or a friend asking us to lead today’s workout?
This both and perspective and loosening of the grip on our experiences allows us to acknowledge our emotions while intending to move in the other direction. Most people are just reliving their past every day. This simple reminder frees us from the grip of the past and opens up a vast spring of wealth which we can access right here and now. To stop and smell the flowers, not to pick them, bring them home until the smell runs stale. Even the softest water can carve deep crevices in the hardest of stone. It may take thousands of years, but the water stays consistent, trusting in its powerful softness to do nothing, yet leave nothing undone.
Life is full of dichotomies. We want to place everything into a “this box” or a “that box”. It keeps us feeling safe and certain. In actuality, when we zoom out, we see that the poplar tree and the pine tree are part of the same forest. There cannot be one without the other. And that same forest may burn to the ground at any moment. What I’m saying is— safety and certainty are mostly illusions. How would we know immense joy, without deep sadness?
A tree cannot grow to great heights without having a long root system below the ground. In meditation, we witness our minds boxing things up, labeling them, and tying a bow with such certainty that we— our true-self tends to believe, to grasp onto. A simple practice to recognize the dichotomy that always exists within and without us is what I call the Both And meditation.
The Both And Meditation
Sit comfortably and close your eyes, ideally outside.
Now, place a rock in one hand, and a flower (or something light and soft) in the other.
Recognize what emotions are coming up for you that are dense and heavy like the rock. Then give them all to the rock.
Now, even if in the moment you cannot identify a light, easy-going emotion, use the sensations of the flower as a reminder that this too is within you.
As you sit and feel the Both And of your experience, observe any subtle shifts in your energy.
Can you bring curiosity and gratitude for even the dense, heavy rock?
Like water, flow with the experience and make it your own. No rigidity required.
In peace and chaos,
Danny
